{"id":10467,"date":"2023-10-31T13:41:05","date_gmt":"2023-10-31T17:41:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/?p=10467"},"modified":"2025-06-10T13:55:22","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T17:55:22","slug":"ways-to-support-domestic-violence-survivors-this-dvam","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/programs\/ways-to-support-domestic-violence-survivors-dvam\/","title":{"rendered":"Ways to Support Domestic Violence Survivors"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hop on any of New York City\u2019s many public transportation options and you\u2019re bound to see or hear a message from the MTA advising us, \u201cif you see something, say something.\u201d That may be true in many situations, but for something as complex as domestic violence, there is no \u201cone size fits all\u201d way to help.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

If you think a friend, loved one, or someone you know might be involved in an abusive relationship, it\u2019s natural to want to help. However, you will want to ensure that you don\u2019t make the situation more dangerous for them. Here are some tips to do so:<\/p>\n

Recognize the Signs of Domestic Violence<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Too often, we associate domestic violence with the clich\u00e9 image of a woman with a black eye.<\/span> The truth is that domestic violence is different for every person who experiences it. Only now is our society beginning to understand and accept the nuances of domestic violence, including who experiences it and why.<\/p>\n

Signs of domestic violence can be physical, emotional, psychological, financial and can happen to anyone of any gender identity. The signs can include the threat or act of physical violence, being forced or pressured into unwanted situations or actions, and limiting or cutting off relationships because of harmful threats. If you recognize one sign, it is possible that there may be more behind closed doors. For a more detailed list of signs of abuse, visit safehorizon.org\/dv<\/a><\/p>\n

Learn About Language You Can Use<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Familiarize yourself with objective and non-judgmental language, and emulate the language that survivors are using to describe themselves. Using \u201cI\u201d statements can help the person feel less blamed or attacked.<\/span><\/p>\n

For example, \u201cI noticed your partner has been calling you names. I\u2019m concerned about that. Is everything okay?\u201d Avoid saying that they \u201cneed to,\u201d \u201chave to,\u201d and \u201cshould\u201d as this language can make them feel judged \u2013 the exact opposite of your intention.<\/p>\n

Understand and practice this safe language. Then, prepare to use this language in your conversation(s) with the survivor.<\/p>\n

Prepare to Listen and Not Judge<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

There is no way to predict how the survivor will respond to your inquiry.<\/span> It is entirely possible that they believe they are not in an abusive relationship. They can decide not to continue the conversation and may even become offended by your suggestion. Prepare for any pushback by accepting that survivors are the experts in their own lives. Respond by letting them know that you are there for them if they ever want to discuss this topic again and offer them resources that could be helpful in the event that they want to seek help outside of your conversation. We’ve included some resources at the end of this piece.<\/span><\/p>\n

If the survivor opens up about their relationship, they may share explicit or shocking content. This can trigger you and cause you to make judgmental statements. They could then regret confiding in you and make them become closer to their abusive partner.<\/p>\n

When in doubt, validate what they are saying and how they are feeling, refrain from sharing unless you are asked, and refer back to listening and using non-judgmental language<\/p>\n

Create a Plan<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Once you understand the signs of abuse and practice helpful language, you can create a strategy to speak to the survivor while keeping them safe.<\/span> Before initiating a conversation, it\u2019s critical to identify a time and place that is safe for them to speak. It should be a time when the person is physically away from their partner or anyone else who could overhear and potentially compromise their safety.<\/p>\n

It could be helpful if you get to know the survivor and their partner\u2019s schedules and ask questions around their availability. Investing the time into identifying a safe time and place will help ensure their safety. If the abusive partner becomes aware of what is going on, it could endanger the survivor, so it\u2019s important to make a careful plan.<\/p>\n

Let Them Know That Help is Available<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

There are many resources available for bystanders and survivors.<\/span> For over 45 years, Safe Horizon has been helping survivors in New York City move from crisis to confidence. We offer crisis counseling, emotional support, assistance with finding Domestic Violence Shelters, and much more.<\/p>\n