{"id":3147,"date":"2016-10-25T14:15:48","date_gmt":"2016-10-25T14:15:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/?p=3147"},"modified":"2017-10-03T17:30:50","modified_gmt":"2017-10-03T17:30:50","slug":"lornas-story-part-iii-going-happen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/stories\/lornas-story-part-iii-going-happen\/","title":{"rendered":"Lorna\u2019s Story Part III: \u201cIt was going to happen again.\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. In honor of our #PutTheNailinIt campaign to end domestic violence, Safe Horizon is sharing a true story of one of our clients. Check back for for continued installments of one family\u2019s survival story, and donate today<\/u><\/a>!<\/p>\n

* This story contains details of a violent act that may upset readers.<\/em><\/p>\n

Lorna\u2019s Story, Part III: \u201cIt was going to happen again.\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n

(Missed Parts 1 or 2? Read Part 1 here<\/a> and Part II here<\/a>)<\/p>\n

I sat in the driver\u2019s seat of the car and cried.<\/strong> I was picking up my partner from his three week, off-shore temp job. I should have felt happy to see him\u2014that\u2019s how love is supposed to work. You are supposed to miss loved ones when they\u2019re gone, but I knew that with his presence, things would only get worse.<\/p>\n

And it did get worse. My partner told me many times that I was going to die and that he would kill me. When he was angry he would choke me until I passed out.<\/strong> He wouldn\u2019t take me to the hospital. He\u2019d just wait until I was breathing again and give me water. Then he\u2019d lock the doors to the house so I couldn\u2019t leave and take away my phone. By taking my phone he kept me isolated, it prevented me from reaching out when I felt most threatened and vulnerable. <\/u><\/p>\n

Maybe it\u2019s not surprising then that it was a simple message on my phone that prompted his most brutal violence.<\/p>\n

Lots of people play games on their cellular devices: Candy Crush, Domino!, Spades. I\u2019d been playing a game where you get a random opponent. You don’t know who your opponent is, but you can leave each other messages such as, “Oh! You got me!” It\u2019s set up so that you can leave the game and come back to it whenever you want to play. My partner took my phone and looked through it \u2013 he found I\u2019d received such a message from the other player, a simple \u201cLol\u201d response that my partner determined was flirtation. He came rushing up the stairs to the bedroom. Screaming, he demanded that I tell him who it was from. When I told him I didn\u2019t know who it was, he became enraged.<\/p>\n

My partner then swung a monkey wrench at me, and I ducked. It struck me at the bottom of my chin. I ran to the back of the room, far against the wall, and he jumped on top of me<\/u>. He held my hair so I couldn’t move. He stripped me of my clothes, called me names, and told me I was going to die. I believed he might kill me. My kids heard us fighting, came into the room, and yelled at him to, \u201cGet off Mommy.\u201d He quieted for a moment and led the children downstairs, but I knew he\u2019d come back to the bedroom. He wasn\u2019t done with me.<\/p>\n

I opened the bedroom window and jumped out, naked. (To be continued\u2026)<\/p>\n

A word from Kelly Coyne, Vice-President of Domestic Violence Shelters at Safe Horizon:<\/h1>\n

\"Kelly<\/a><\/p>\n

“A frequent mechanism of domestic violence is isolation; an abuser will work to cut off a person from their family, friends, and other connections. This is frequently achieved through subtle comments, or through questions about the appropriateness of the victim\u2019s relationships. In policing connections and behavior, abusers may employ tactics. For example, a cell phone is a common device abusers use to monitor their victims. Lorna\u2019s partner examined her cellular activity. Sometimes, a GPS system will be used to follow someone, or a victim will be pressured to check in frequently, about where they are or what they\u2019re doing. Survivors of domestic violence often explain to us at Safe Horizon how monitoring, over time, can build up and become a new type of normal.<\/em>“<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Read part III of Lorna\u2019s domestic violence story.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":null,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[45],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3147","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stories","issue-domestic-violence"],"acf":{"page_header_title":"","page_header_excerpt":"","page_header_image":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/silhouette_hero_image.png","original_url":"","related_initiative_title":"#PutTheNailinIt","related_initiative_link":"http:\/\/putthenailinit.com\/","related_initiative_link_text":"You can help end domestic violence","featured_posts":[{"ID":3103,"post_author":"13","post_date":"2016-10-18 15:14:25","post_date_gmt":"2016-10-18 15:14:25","post_content":"1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. In honor of our #PutTheNailinIt campaign to end domestic violence, Safe Horizon is sharing a true story of one of our clients. Check back for for continued installments of one family\u2019s survival story, and donate today<\/u><\/a>!\r\n\r\n* This story contains details of a violent act that may upset readers.<\/em>\r\n\r\nI like to help people.<\/strong> I was a medical assistant for ten years. I would assist the elderly with daily duties, like laundry, food, shopping, and taking their medication. I really enjoyed my job. I was good at my job. After a while, I was hired as a manager at a home health agency.\r\n\r\nThat's when I really started to see a problem. <\/strong>\r\n\r\nI was bringing money into the home\u2014more money than my partner\u2014and it would disappear. I felt like I didn\u2019t have control over what I earned, because he insisted that as the man of the house, he should be in charge of our finances. When I asked him about the missing money, he would scream at me. I was afraid he would hurt me. After a while, I stopped asking because I already knew how he spent my earnings. When my partner wasn\u2019t working, he was doing drugs.\r\n\r\nWe had always made plans for the future, for our children, but these plans would always fall flat. We had a house that needed repairs. I woke up one morning, and he said to me, \"I'm going to go get parts to fix our roof.\" Instead, he came back with drugs. He told me that those drugs would make us ten grand. I didn\u2019t have to ask how. I knew.\r\n\r\nI left. I took the kids and moved to a different city within the state. I told myself that our relationship was over. \u00a0But he and his family hired a private investigator to find me and six months later, <\/u> his family came with pastors, who told me my partner had changed. That\u2019s how they got to me: my own mother was a pastor. They preyed upon my background and religious beliefs about marriage.\r\n\r\nThe kids and I moved back in with him, and we soon ended up buying a four bedroom house. The house was beautiful. I was working. Things were better. \u00a0Then, his mom visited. She brought with her some type of pills \u2013 I don't know what kind. She showed him the pills and said, \"Baby, make Momma some money.\" My partner was trying to leave that lifestyle, but his family reopened up those doors. I knew that if you sell pills, you would be willing to sell everything else, too.\r\n\r\nAnd now we shared a home with nice things.<\/strong> (To be continued here<\/a>)\r\n

A word from Kelly Coyne, Vice-President of Domestic Violence Shelters at Safe Horizon:<\/h1>\r\n\"1444230191_Kelly-Coyne-Profile.jpg\"<\/a>\r\n\r\n\"Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence. Here, we learn that the survivor is a hard-working career woman. We hold assumptions that domestic violence only happens to a certain kind of person. People often think, it couldn't happen to me. I'm too smart, or, I have too much money. But domestic violence doesn't discriminate based on any kind of demographic.<\/em>\"\r\n\r\n\"Domestic violence can often start with small power and control actions that get more intense and escalate over time. Financial abuse is a very common example of a power and control dynamic. In this case, this woman felt she could not confront her partner regarding the disappearing earnings even though she was the primary breadwinner.<\/em>\"","post_title":"Lorna\u2019s Story Part I: \u201cThey told me he had changed.\u201d","post_excerpt":"1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. This is Lorna's story.","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"lornas-story-part-told-changed","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2025-06-10 13:58:53","post_modified_gmt":"2025-06-10 17:58:53","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"http:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/?p=3103","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":3128,"post_author":"13","post_date":"2016-10-21 14:41:33","post_date_gmt":"2016-10-21 14:41:33","post_content":"1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. In honor of our #PutTheNailinIt campaign to end domestic violence, Safe Horizon is sharing a true story of one of our clients. Check back for for continued installments of one family\u2019s survival story, and donate today<\/u><\/a>!\r\n\r\n* This story contains details of a violent act that may upset readers.<\/em>\r\n\r\nLorna\u2019s Story, Part II: \u201cI was embarrassed.\u201d <\/strong>\r\n\r\n(Missed Part I? Read it here.<\/a>)\r\n\r\nI was an educated, career woman.<\/strong> I\u2019d worked hard to become successful. I didn\u2019t want to tell anyone what was going on at home. I didn\u2019t want to admit that I lived with an abuser or that I needed help. To me, that meant failure.<\/strong>\r\n\r\nNot only was my partner back on drugs, he began to display behaviors of jealousy and aggression. It surfaced in small ways at first. I would be watching a movie, and if a handsome actor was on the screen, my partner would say, \"You\u2019re staring at the TV for too long.\" He also wanted to control my appearance. He didn\u2019t like me wearing makeup, so I gave it up. I always complied when he criticized me or made demands.\r\n\r\nWe were six years into our relationship, but there was no give-and-take. I always lost.\r\n\r\nThen, I lost my job because I wanted to hide the abuse.<\/strong>\r\n\r\nMy partner was convinced I was having an affair with my boss; I wasn\u2019t. We had a fight. He beat me so badly, I had bruises everywhere. I didn't go to work. If I had, the secret would be out, and I didn\u2019t want to be put into a situation where I\u2019d have to explain what had happened<\/u>. My boss and his wife already suspected something serious and had repeatedly asked, \u201cIs everything okay?\u201d When I didn\u2019t show, my employer came to my door. He saw my bruises and said, \u201cWhen you're ready to come back, just let me know, \" I wasn\u2019t let go, but I stopped going to work completely. I was embarrassed. Plus, this way my partner wouldn\u2019t question my fidelity.\r\n\r\nI was often scared. I remember a point when dinner wasn\u2019t cooked by the time my partner got home. He punished me by putting me in the closet. It was horrible, because the kids would bang on the closet door saying, \"Let my mommy out!\" I could have opened the door to come out. It's not that I was restrained, I was just afraid of what he might do to me if I did.<\/u>\r\n\r\nThat\u2019s why, when he got a temp job that sent him off-shore for three weeks, I was so relieved he was gone! I had freedom.\r\n\r\nI also knew that he would come back. (To be continued\u2026)\r\n

A word from Kyana Askin, Case Manager at Safe Horizon:<\/h1>\r\n\"Kyana<\/a>\r\n\r\n\"Domestic Violence doesn\u2019t just affect victims. For Lorna\u2019s boss, it happened to someone working in his company and cost him a valued employee. Chances are, you already know someone who is suffering in silence: your mother, sister, friend, neighbor, colleague, child...<\/em>\r\n\r\nThat\u2019s why, if you have a friend or family member that you suspect is experiencing domestic violence, it is important that you speak with them. While 60 percent of Americans say they know a victim, 2 out of 3 (67%) Americans have NOT talked about the issue with their friends.<\/em>\r\n\r\nMake your support visible through #PutTheNailinIt, and end silence today by following these simple steps:<\/em>\r\n
    \r\n \t
  • Paint your left ring fingernail purple to signify your vow to end domestic violence.<\/em><\/li>\r\n \t
  • Take a photograph of your painted nail, and spread awareness through social media by sharing your photo, your vow, and your story.<\/em><\/li>\r\n \t
  • Make a contribution to Safe Horizon, the nation\u2019s leading organization devoted to turning victims of domestic violence into survivors.<\/em><\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nContributions to #PutTheNailinIt help provide safety, right here and right now. As a case manager, I can attest to the lives changed by your support. When you give to Safe Horizon, you not only give victims a secure place to sleep, you impart with them resources, options, and professional care. Our clients get a new beginning.\"<\/em>","post_title":"Lorna\u2019s Story Part II: \u201cI was embarrassed.\u201d","post_excerpt":"Read part II of Lorna's domestic violence story.","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"lornas-story-part-ii-i-was-embarrassed","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2017-10-03 17:35:18","post_modified_gmt":"2017-10-03 17:35:18","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"http:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/?p=3128","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}]},"yoast_head":"\nLorna\u2019s Story Part III: \u201cIt was going to happen again.\u201d | Safe Horizon<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Read part III of Lorna\u2019s domestic violence story. 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