<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emotionally abusive relationships often affect more than the people directly involved. If you suspect that a family member or friend is in an unhealthy relationship, you might want to do something \u2013 anything \u2013 to help. It\u2019s natural for that urge to get even stronger when that person tells you that they are experiencing emotional abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emotional abuse involves nonphysical behavior that belittles another person. Emotional abuse can include insults, put downs, verbal threats or other tactics that make someone feel threatened, inferior, ashamed, or degraded. You can learn about the five signs of emotional abuse here.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n Since emotional abuse is isolating, complicated and disorienting, it can be difficult to figure out how to support a friend or family member experiencing emotional abuse. Below are tips on how to support someone in an emotionally abusive relationship:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Give the person experiencing emotional abuse space to share their story. It may be difficult, but do not jump in with advice, your personal thoughts or emotions. When listening to a story that\u2019s difficult to hear, check in to make sure you\u2019re actively listening by paraphrasing or repeating what you\u2019ve heard, for example: \u201cI\u2019m so sorry you\u2019re going through all of this. It sounds like a lot.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember, emotional abuse is complicated and confusing. It\u2019s natural to have a lot of questions but be aware of your tone and phrasing. The person sharing with you is experiencing a lot in their relationship and most likely already feels a mix of emotions, including guilt and shame. Try not to add onto that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Abusers are often very skilled at creating a fa\u00e7ade: it may be hard to believe that they are capable of abuse. This doubt is a tool used to exercise control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Believing someone when they tell you they were abused not only supports them but can also serve to loosen the control exercised over them by the person who is hurting them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Abusive behavior in relationships is typically motivated by a desire for power and control. Yet the specific circumstances of the abuser can vary widely. Whatever the situation, there\u2019s no excuse for abuse. When your friend or family member is sharing their experience with you, it is not the right time to contemplate or try to understand \u201cwhy\u201d someone is abusive \u2013 even if your intentions are good, trying to understand the why in that moment can make the person experiencing the abuse feel dismissed, unheard, and unsupported.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s okay to voice concerns you may have, but be sure to take a non-judgmental position. Communicate that you are coming from a place of compassion. Try starting by normalizing the experience using a phrase such as, \u201cI think anyone who experienced what you have been through could feel that way\u201d. Use \u201cI\u201d statements to express your concern, such as, \u201cI feel: (emotion)<\/u> when: (scenario\/behavior)<\/u> because: (reason<\/u>).\u201d This example could sound like: \u201cI feel worried when I hear about what you\u2019ve been through because I don\u2019t think this behavior is okay.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n If a friend or family member is sharing details of their experience with emotional abuse, it\u2019s normal to have a lot of strong emotions. You may be scared or confused. You may be upset, hurt or feel betrayed like they kept an important secret from you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s okay for you to feel whatever you are feeling. Try and be aware of the impact your reaction may have on the person who is opening up to you. Share your concerns and keep in mind this person is coming to you for support, not the other way around. Try not to put them in a position where they feel they have to justify their actions or choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Knowledge is power. Collaborate with the person experiencing emotional abuse to figure out what kind of support they might need or want. This post about the five signs of emotional abuse can help in your conversation<\/a>. Offer to do the leg work of making phone calls, scheduling appointments, or arranging transportation. If you\u2019re stuck, try calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1\u2212800\u2212799\u22127233; they can connect you to resources in your area. If you live in New York, visit our Hotline page<\/a> or call our 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-621-HOPE(4673)<\/a>. For in-person, ongoing assistance, click here<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pressuring or forcing someone who is in an emotionally abusive relationship to leave or take action may end up pushing them away from you. It might feel like you\u2019re helping them, but it can end up further isolating them. While you can offer resources and be there to listen and validate, know that you can\u2019t force change. Help by supporting the person who is experiencing emotional abuse to make choices that are right for them, not you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To learn more about emotional abuse, click here to read the five signs of emotional abuse<\/a>. To learn more about Safe Horizon programs that may help, you can visit our Community Programs page<\/a>, Hotline page<\/a>, or learn the facts about domestic violence<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s possible you may start feeling emotionally or physically exhausted as the result of supporting a friend or family member in an emotionally abusive relationship – this is known as compassion fatigue<\/a>. People experiencing compassion fatigue often start to display a lack of empathy or indifference toward the person they are supporting and\/or experience headaches, digestive problems, or feel overwhelmed and irritable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you are supporting someone in an emotionally abusive relationship, you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, helpless, or prioritizing other people\u2019s needs before your own. That’s why it\u2019s important that you make sure you check in with yourself and be open to seeking support. Here are some self-care tips<\/a> our experts recommend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Safe Horizon client advocates are now available by chat to offer information, advocacy and support to people who have been impacted by violence, crime, and abuse. To chat with an advocate during business hours, visit our SafeChat page.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" How can you support a friend or family member in an emotionally abusive relationship? Jennifer Koza, MSW outlines the do’s and don’ts of supporting someone who is being emotionally abused.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":{"id":4712,"alt_text":"Supporting Someone in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship Do\u2019s and Don\u2019ts","caption":"","description":"","media_type":"image","media_details":{"width":2121,"height":1414,"file":"2017\/09\/Supporting-Someone-in-an-Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Do\u2019s-and-Don\u2019ts.jpg","sizes":{"thumbnail":{"file":"Supporting-Someone-in-an-Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Do\u2019s-and-Don\u2019ts-150x150.jpg","width":150,"height":150,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Supporting-Someone-in-an-Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Do\u2019s-and-Don\u2019ts-150x150.jpg"},"medium":{"file":"Supporting-Someone-in-an-Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Do\u2019s-and-Don\u2019ts-300x200.jpg","width":300,"height":200,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Supporting-Someone-in-an-Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Do\u2019s-and-Don\u2019ts-300x200.jpg"},"medium_large":{"file":"Supporting-Someone-in-an-Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Do\u2019s-and-Don\u2019ts-768x512.jpg","width":768,"height":512,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Supporting-Someone-in-an-Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Do\u2019s-and-Don\u2019ts-768x512.jpg"},"large":{"file":"Supporting-Someone-in-an-Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Do\u2019s-and-Don\u2019ts-1024x683.jpg","width":1024,"height":683,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Supporting-Someone-in-an-Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Do\u2019s-and-Don\u2019ts-1024x683.jpg"}},"image_meta":{"aperture":"3.5","credit":"Getty Images\/iStockphoto","camera":"Canon EOS 5D Mark III","caption":"Two women holding hands with a wooden background. One is caucasian, the other is black. Multicultural, homosexual love and friendship concepts.","created_timestamp":"1448190503","copyright":"william87","focal_length":"182","iso":"200","shutter_speed":"0.003125","title":"Two women holding hands","orientation":"1","keywords":["Two Parents","African Descent","Only Women","Women","Females","Two People","Young Adult","Holding Hands","Holding","African Ethnicity","Caucasian Ethnicity","Mixed Race Person","Multi-Ethnic Group","Togetherness","Relaxation","Love","Friendship","Lifestyles","Outdoors","Human Hand","Lesbian","People","Day","Summer","Park - Man Made Space","Wooden Background"]}},"post":4701,"source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Supporting-Someone-in-an-Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Do\u2019s-and-Don\u2019ts.jpg"},"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2015],"tags":[320,92,517,627,1133],"class_list":["post-4701","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-safe-blog","tag-domestic-abuse","tag-domestic-violence","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-emotionally-abusive-relationship","tag-intimate-partner-violence","issue-domestic-violence","issue-victims-of-other-abuse"],"acf":{"page_header_title":"","page_header_image":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/silhouette_hero_image.png","original_url":"","related_initiative_title":"Do you need help?","related_initiative_link":"\/hotlines ","related_initiative_link_text":"Visit our Hotlines Page","featured_posts":[{"ID":7284,"post_author":"6","post_date":"2019-09-26 19:53:50","post_date_gmt":"2019-09-26 19:53:50","post_content":"\n *Please note that chat may not work with Internet Explorer. For optimal experience, use a different browser like Firefox or Chrome. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Safe Horizon client advocates are available by chat to offer information, advocacy and support to people who have been impacted by violence, crime, and abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can chat with an advocate during our operating hours by clicking the chat button below or at the bottom of this page.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n SafeChat advocates are available Mon. \u2013 Fri. 10 a.m. -8 p. m., Sat. 10 a.m. \u2013 3 p.m., and Sun. 9 a.m. \u2013 5 p.m.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Our Hotline is available 24\/7 and our Helpline is available 9 a.m. \u2013 5 p.m. Visit our Hotlines page for more information.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\nDO Listen<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
DON\u2019T Shame, Judge, or Critique<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
DO Believe Someone if They Tell You They\u2019re Experiencing Emotional Abuse<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
DON\u2019T Make Excuses for the Abuser<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
DO Share and be Honest About Your Concerns<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
DON\u2019T Make it All About You<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
DO Research Resources<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
DON\u2019T Pressure or Force your Opinions or Views<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
DO Take Care of Yourself<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Chat With Us!<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Chat with Us<\/h2>\n\n\n\n