{"id":4902,"date":"2017-10-18T19:23:41","date_gmt":"2017-10-18T19:23:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/?p=4902"},"modified":"2024-01-23T09:23:06","modified_gmt":"2024-01-23T14:23:06","slug":"helen-domestic-violence-story-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/stories\/helen-domestic-violence-story-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Helen’s Story: A Mother and Her Children Overcome Domestic Violence"},"content":{"rendered":"

*Please be aware that this story contains details of domestic violence that may be upsetting to readers.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Helen's<\/p>\n

When someone such as Helen experiences domestic abuse<\/a>, their children can be impacted as well. The following is a domestic violence story that looks at how both of Helen\u2019s children saw their mother being abused and were affected in different ways. Through accessing critical domestic violence resources, Safe Horizon helped Helen and her children get through the tough times.<\/p>\n

Helen\u2019s son was only three years old when he witnessed the abuse. Helen noticed that her son had also become aggressive. The domestic violence just seemed normal to the young boy and so he began assuming that it was okay for men to hit women. When the police would come to the home, he would even go to his father\u2019s side.<\/p>\n

Helen\u2019s daughter, who was older, reacted differently. She experienced depression and became fearful when people raised their voices around her.<\/p>\n

Helen\u2019s Domestic Violence Story<\/h1>\n

Helen, a single mother, was raising her daughter when she met her now ex-husband. \u201cWhen I first went out with him, he made me feel incredibly close very quickly,<\/em>\u201d she explains. First, they lived together, then got married and had a son. \u201cAt the beginning of our relationship, he wanted to control everything \u2014 where I was going, who I was speaking with. Then the physical abuse started. He would hold me and hit my hand, or he would push me.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

He then became more aggressive and broke Helen\u2019s nose.<\/p>\n

\u201cI knew it wasn\u2019t right; that it wasn\u2019t a healthy relationship. I had to do something to move away from him, but leaving wasn\u2019t easy. I was dependent on him for so many things and I didn\u2019t know what to do. This was my family. In my mind, I had committed to the relationship, and I had to close my mouth and wait for the time to pass, even if that was 30, 40, or 50 years.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

Making the Decision to Leave<\/h1>\n

On one occasion when Helen called the police, one of the officers asked her if she wanted to seek an order of protection. \u201cAt first, I was not sure, but decided it was something I had to do.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

Helen went to family court and was connected to Safe Horizon\u2019s Family Court Program<\/a>. The staff helped her file an Order of Protection and also connected her to one of Safe Horizon\u2019s Domestic Violence Shelters<\/a>, where Helen and her two children could find temporary safety.<\/p>\n

\"Domestic<\/p>\n

\u201cWhile living in <\/em>shelter, I started to go to therapy where I learned that the domestic violence wasn\u2019t my fault. Although my kids and I left the shelter t<\/em>o stay with a close friend, I continued therapy at the borough\u2019s Family Justice Center<\/a> (<\/em>FJC). That\u2019s where I met my counselor, Jimmy. He\u2019s helped me in so many ways. I call him the angel standing behind me.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

Helen used what she learned from Jimmy (pictured above) and the counseling sessions to help both of her children heal. \u201cI explained to my son that what his father did was not okay. I try to raise my daughter\u2019s self-esteem by telling her that no man can do that to her, that she is of value. Talking to my children about the violence and abuse was so important because they now understand what a healthy relationship is like.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

Learn More:\u00a0Ways To Teach Children About Healthy Relationships<\/a><\/p>\n

Raising Awareness of Domestic Violence<\/h1>\n

Domestic violence<\/a> can happen to anyone and help is available. \u201cThrough telling my story, I want to let people going through similar situations know that they aren’t alone. By seeking help, anyone can find their guardian angel.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

Helen also says that it is very important for people to be able to discuss domestic violence openly. It\u2019s one of the ways we can put a stop to it. That\u2019s why she took the #PutTheNailInIt<\/a> vow to end domestic violence.<\/p>\n

\u201cBy painting my ring fingernail purple, and using the hashtag #PutTheNailInIt, I can show that I am a proud survivor and help others, too.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Talking to my children about domestic violence and abuse was important because they now understand what a healthy relationship is.\u201d<\/em> – Helen, domestic violence survivor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":{"id":4914,"alt_text":"domestic violence story","caption":"","description":"","media_type":"image","media_details":{"width":1000,"height":641,"file":"2017\/10\/Helens-Story-A-Mother-and-Her-Children-Overcome-Domestic-Violence-e1508353595435.jpg","sizes":{"thumbnail":{"file":"Helens-Story-A-Mother-and-Her-Children-Overcome-Domestic-Violence-150x150.jpg","width":150,"height":150,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Helens-Story-A-Mother-and-Her-Children-Overcome-Domestic-Violence-150x150.jpg"},"medium":{"file":"Helens-Story-A-Mother-and-Her-Children-Overcome-Domestic-Violence-300x192.jpg","width":300,"height":192,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Helens-Story-A-Mother-and-Her-Children-Overcome-Domestic-Violence-300x192.jpg"},"medium_large":{"file":"Helens-Story-A-Mother-and-Her-Children-Overcome-Domestic-Violence-768x493.jpg","width":768,"height":493,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Helens-Story-A-Mother-and-Her-Children-Overcome-Domestic-Violence-768x493.jpg"},"large":{"file":"Helens-Story-A-Mother-and-Her-Children-Overcome-Domestic-Violence-1024x657.jpg","width":1024,"height":657,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Helens-Story-A-Mother-and-Her-Children-Overcome-Domestic-Violence-1024x657.jpg"}},"image_meta":{"aperture":"5.6","credit":"","camera":"NIKON D810","caption":"","created_timestamp":"1457713804","copyright":"","focal_length":"56","iso":"100","shutter_speed":"0.00625","title":"","orientation":"1","keywords":[]}},"post":4902,"source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Helens-Story-A-Mother-and-Her-Children-Overcome-Domestic-Violence-e1508353595435.jpg"},"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[45],"tags":[633,92,302],"class_list":["post-4902","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-stories","tag-children-and-domestic-violence","tag-domestic-violence","tag-domestic-violence-story","issue-domestic-violence"],"acf":{"page_header_title":"","page_header_image":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/silhouette_hero_image.png","original_url":"","related_initiative_title":"How do we help survivors of domestic violence?","related_initiative_link":"\/get-help\/domestic-violence\/","related_initiative_link_text":"Learn about our services","featured_posts":[{"ID":4716,"post_author":"13","post_date":"2017-09-15 16:33:54","post_date_gmt":"2017-09-15 16:33:54","post_content":"\"3\r\n

Juanito Vargas, Vice President of our Community Programs, Hotlines, Project SAFE and Anti-Trafficking Program uses the tips in our blog post to teach his children about healthy relationships.<\/em><\/p>\r\nBy Kelly Coyne and Michelle Lawrence<\/em>\r\nSeptember 15, 2017<\/em>\r\n\r\nAs parents, we face many demands and challenges when raising children. We are responsible for teaching children everything from what kinds of foods to eat to proper hygiene. But it isn\u2019t yet the norm to speak with children about what healthy relationships look like. Teaching children the differences between healthy and unhealthy behaviors early on can shape their future personal, work and community relationships. Many caregivers struggle to start the discussion. In this blog post, we provide some tips you can use in talking to children about healthy relationships, and how Safe Horizon\u2019s #PutTheNailinIt campaign can help you start the conversation.\r\n

1. Keep Language Simple<\/h2>\r\nRelationships are complex but can be simplified by explaining healthy and unhealthy behaviors. Remember that using adult terms can make relationships difficult for children to understand. Keep the language you use simple and use vocabulary that they already know. To describe healthy behaviors, you could say that someone is being nice by asking for permission, sharing their toys or showing they care. To describe an unhealthy relationship, you could say that someone is treating the other badly by being mean to them, making them feel bad or hurting them.\r\n

2. Discuss Real Situations<\/h2>\r\nUse explicit examples of relationships that children already have to help show what you mean. These can be relationships with friends, classmates and\/or family members. You can even use situations they have seen in movies and\/or television. Talk about conflicts children have experienced and how they can handle anger, frustration and other feelings. If children are not taught how to deal with these feelings in a positive way early on, they can turn to violence. For example, you could say something like, \u201cRemember when your schoolmate stole your toy? How did that make you feel?\u201d These questions can lead to a discussion about healthy ways to manage anger.\r\n

3. Use a Visual Cue to Open the Conversation<\/h2>\r\nWhen children understand how to have healthy relationships, they develop a greater sense of empathy, which is key in preventing domestic violence. Initiating a conversation with children about healthy relationships may seem difficult for many adults, parents, and caregivers, but it doesn\u2019t have to be. That\u2019s where #PutTheNailinIt comes in.\r\n\r\nThe #PutTheNailinIt campaign encourages people to paint their ring fingernail purple to symbolize their vow to end domestic violence. This simple gesture is an easy and unique way you can spark conversations with a child about what the meaning behind the nail is.\r\n\r\nUse the phrases and examples you prepared earlier to show how the purple nail relates to healthy relationships. If you get stuck, you can simply say that the purple nail is your way of saying you won\u2019t treat others badly. Then, encourage your child to take the vow, which will help spread awareness about healthy relationships.\r\n

Get started by taking the vow today.<\/a><\/h2>","post_title":"3 Ways to Teach Children About Healthy Relationships","post_excerpt":"Not sure how to teach children about healthy relationships and domestic violence? Our domestic violence experts explain.","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"teach-children-healthy-relationships","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2025-06-10 13:38:20","post_modified_gmt":"2025-06-10 17:38:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"http:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/?p=4716","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":2354,"post_author":"12","post_date":"2016-08-03 18:47:32","post_date_gmt":"2016-08-03 18:47:32","post_content":"\"#PTNII<\/a>\r\nDomestic Violence can happen to anyone. It spans age, sexual orientation, religion and gender, and affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Safe Horizon launched the #PutTheNailinIt campaign to spark a conversation around domestic violence by asking supporters to take the vow to end domestic violence in three simple steps:\r\n1) Donate<\/strong> to help end domestic violence\r\n2) Paint<\/strong> your left ring fingernail purple, the color of the anti-domestic violence movement\r\n3) Share<\/strong> a photo of your painted fingernail on social media with the hashtag #PutTheNailinIt\r\n\r\nWhy is this such an important issue?<\/strong>\r\n\r\n60 percent of Americans say they know a victim of sexual assault or domestic violence and 57 percent have never actually discussed either issue with their friends (AVON, 2013). 73 percent of U.S. parents say they never had a conversation about domestic violence or sexual assault with their children (AVON, 2013).\r\n\r\nPeople from all around the world have already participated in this campaign by donating and painting their fingernail purple.\u00a0 Celebrities including Kyra Sedgwick, Dave Navarro, Tamron Hall and Alan Cumming have lent their voice.\u00a0 This campaign is focused on moving away from the bruised face and black eye, and towards the safety, hope and confidence victims can achieve when domestic violence can be talked about more openly.\r\n\r\nWill you join the campaign?<\/strong>\r\n\r\nVisit www.PutTheNailinIt.org<\/a> to help end domestic violence.","post_title":"Donate to #PutTheNailinIt","post_excerpt":"Learn about #PutTheNailinIt, Safe Horizon\u2019s campaign to end domestic violence for good.","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"putthenailinit","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2025-06-10 13:58:06","post_modified_gmt":"2025-06-10 17:58:06","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"http:\/\/safehorizon.wpengine.com\/?p=2354","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"page_header_excerpt":"","show_author_bio":false,"title_font_size":"42","sub-headline_placement":false,"custom_scripts":false},"yoast_head":"\nHelen's Story: A Mother and Her Children Overcome Domestic Violence<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Domestic violence story: Domestic violence survivor Helen explains why talking to her children about the abuse helped them understand healthy relationships.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/stories\/helen-domestic-violence-story-children\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" 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