{"id":5567,"date":"2018-04-13T18:37:16","date_gmt":"2018-04-13T18:37:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/?p=5567"},"modified":"2025-06-10T13:47:40","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T17:47:40","slug":"understand-trauma-survivors","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/safe-blog\/understand-trauma-survivors\/","title":{"rendered":"“This Isn’t Who You Are”: How Understanding Trauma Helps Us Understand Survivors"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Evy Yeager
\nApril 13, 2018<\/em><\/p>\n

For those who have experienced violence or abuse, trauma is much more than just a buzzword. At Safe Horizon, it informs the way we approach all of our work with survivors. A trauma-informed framework involves understanding, recognizing, and responding to the effects of all types of trauma.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Trauma can present ongoing challenges that make it difficult for survivors to access the services they need. Some service providers who don\u2019t use a trauma-informed lens may respond in ways that are not helpful, or simply disregard clients as \u201cdifficult.<\/em>\u201d For example, \u201cA client may refuse to meet with an advocate who identifies as male\u00a0because their abuser identified as male. At <\/em>first, it may seem that the client is not interested in accessing these services, but it is important to remind ourselves that there is a reason behind the client’s refusal. For most, the reason is past trauma, which they may have not ever disclosed. Their traumas may become barriers to accessing services,<\/em>\u201d says Eddie Tirado, Coordinator of HIV Prevention at Streetwork Project\u2019s<\/a> Drop-In Center in Harlem for homeless youth.<\/p>\n

Recovering from assault or abuse is difficult for anyone, but it presents unique challenges for children. It\u2019s easy to label children as misbehaving if they act out, without digging deeper into what is influencing their behavior. \u201cA lot of children who have witnessed or experienced abuse may behave in a certain way that can be seen as bad. It\u2019s their way of coping with all that they\u2019ve been through,<\/em>\u201d says Jennifer Venturino, Childcare Supervisor at Rose House, one of our eight\u00a0domestic violence shelters<\/a>. \u201cThey may act out in certain ways if they feel uncomfortable if there are loud noises that trigger them. People think, \u2018He doesn\u2019t listen,\u2019 or \u2018She really misbehaves.\u2019 but that\u2019s not what\u2019s really going on.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

What is a more helpful response? In our domestic violence shelters, children are in a safe environment, but it\u2019s also a new and unfamiliar one. \u201cWe try to make them feel as comfortable as possible.”<\/em> Venturino continues. \u201cIf the activity isn\u2019t working for them for whatever reason, we ask, \u2018Is there something else you\u2019d rather do?\u2019<\/em>\u201d says Venturino. \u201cHaving a choice is helpful.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

Offering choice is an important principle of a trauma-informed approach. Each individual, whether an adult or a child, has unique life experiences that influence the way they think, feel, and act. Everyone deserves to define for themselves what feels safe or comfortable.<\/p>\n

Consider common conversations about domestic violence. “Why don\u2019t you just leave?<\/em>\u201d is a constant refrain, but it implies that there is a clear choice when that is rarely, if ever, the case. Domestic violence can take many different forms, all used to control someone: physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, threats to physical or financial safety, and often sexual assault.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u201cSexual assault doesn\u2019t only happen with\u00a0strangers<\/em>,\u201d says Jillian Torres, Director of Safe Horizon’s staff at the Manhattan Family Justice Center<\/a>. \u201cThis is something I learned when I was helping clients draft petitions for orders of protection. There were times they had to sleep with their abusers in order to keep them calm. That was an\u00a0\u2018Aha!\u2019 moment for me. Although they are in a relationship, this is a form of sexual assault.<\/em>”<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to distinguish between true consent and a coerced \u201cyes.\u201d \u201cIf there\u2019s physical violence happening, coercion into sex can seem like the lesser evil,<\/em>\u201d Torres explains. \u201cThey might think, \u2018I don\u2019t want to do this, but getting hit is worse. I know that if I put up a fight it will be worse for me.’<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

Supporting survivors as they plan for their safety is another important aspect of looking through a trauma lens. Abuse and assault can affect all kinds of decisions survivors have to make, frequently out of self-preservation. It\u2019s important to respect their decisions while exploring all the options available. Survivors are experts in their own experience.<\/p>\n

\"Jordan<\/p>\n

At Safe Horizon we train our advocates to offer options without judgment. \u201cPeople don\u2019t understand that it\u2019s really hard to come forward,<\/em>\u201d says Jordan Hall, Senior Case Manager, Brooklyn Criminal Court Program<\/a>. \u201cWe have to let survivors be ready when they want to be ready. Frequently we\u2019re [Safe Horizon advocates] the first people that they are disclosing to. When survivors have an opportunity to talk to an advocate who really <\/em>listens and lets them guide the conversation, often past [unaddressed] traumas can come up. It’s hard when you see that they kind of blame themselves. ‘I get myself into these situations all the time,\u2019 they’ll say. I tell them, ‘This is just something that happened to you. This isn\u2019t who you are.\u2019<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

Trauma doesn\u2019t have to be defining. Learning about trauma and the effects it can have can help survivors regain control of their life and move forward. Too often, survivors of abuse are left alone with their pain, often thinking their reactions mean that something is wrong with them, when in fact these reactions are completely normal and can be addressed. Using a trauma-informed approach to healing helps survivors feel validated and supported.<\/p>\n

As a society, we need to acknowledge that all survivors deserve healing. We must offer authentic support, recognizing a survivor\u2019s right to name their own experiences, and accept their normal reactions to the hurt they\u2019ve experienced. No one should have to deal with trauma alone, and every survivor deserves access to trauma-informed care.<\/p>\n

Safe Horizon offers trauma-informed support and other services for survivors of violence and abuse. To find out more about the help available to you, call our 24-hour hotline at 1-800-621-HOPE (4673)<\/a>.<\/h1>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Trauma can make it difficult for survivors to access the services they need. By understanding trauma, we can help survivors regain control of their lives and move forward.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":{"id":5571,"alt_text":"\u201cThis Isn\u2019t Who You Are\u201d: How Understanding Trauma Helps Us Understand Survivors","caption":"","description":"","media_type":"image","media_details":{"width":2121,"height":1414,"file":"2018\/04\/This-Isn\u2019t-Who-You-Are_How-Understanding-Trauma-Helps-Us-Understand-Survivors.jpg","sizes":{"thumbnail":{"file":"This-Isn\u2019t-Who-You-Are_How-Understanding-Trauma-Helps-Us-Understand-Survivors-150x150.jpg","width":150,"height":150,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/This-Isn\u2019t-Who-You-Are_How-Understanding-Trauma-Helps-Us-Understand-Survivors-150x150.jpg"},"medium":{"file":"This-Isn\u2019t-Who-You-Are_How-Understanding-Trauma-Helps-Us-Understand-Survivors-300x200.jpg","width":300,"height":200,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/This-Isn\u2019t-Who-You-Are_How-Understanding-Trauma-Helps-Us-Understand-Survivors-300x200.jpg"},"medium_large":{"file":"This-Isn\u2019t-Who-You-Are_How-Understanding-Trauma-Helps-Us-Understand-Survivors-768x512.jpg","width":768,"height":512,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/This-Isn\u2019t-Who-You-Are_How-Understanding-Trauma-Helps-Us-Understand-Survivors-768x512.jpg"},"large":{"file":"This-Isn\u2019t-Who-You-Are_How-Understanding-Trauma-Helps-Us-Understand-Survivors-1024x683.jpg","width":1024,"height":683,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/This-Isn\u2019t-Who-You-Are_How-Understanding-Trauma-Helps-Us-Understand-Survivors-1024x683.jpg"}},"image_meta":{"aperture":"2","credit":"Getty Images\/iStockphoto","camera":"X-T2","caption":"Sad and lonely black girl feeling depressed","created_timestamp":"1489068571","copyright":"This content is subject to copyright.","focal_length":"35","iso":"200","shutter_speed":"0.004","title":"Alone and lonely young girl feeling depressed","orientation":"1","keywords":["violation","worry","suffering","depression","lonely","rape","sorrowful","girlhood","wondering"]}},"post":5567,"source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/This-Isn\u2019t-Who-You-Are_How-Understanding-Trauma-Helps-Us-Understand-Survivors.jpg"},"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2015],"tags":[775,777],"class_list":["post-5567","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-safe-blog","tag-trauma","tag-trauma-reactions","issue-victims-of-other-abuse"],"acf":{"page_header_title":"","page_header_excerpt":"","page_header_image":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/silhouette_hero_image.png","original_url":"","related_initiative_title":"How do we help survivors of trauma?","related_initiative_link":"\/counselling-center\/","related_initiative_link_text":"Learn about our Counseling Center","featured_posts":[{"ID":5189,"post_author":"13","post_date":"2017-12-26 19:31:15","post_date_gmt":"2017-12-26 19:31:15","post_content":"\"5\r\n\r\nDecember 26, 2017<\/em>\r\n\r\nThe holidays can bring up all kinds of emotions. If someone close to you shares with you that they have had an experience of abuse or violence, it can be shocking, and often it\u2019s difficult to know what to say. If it happens, here are some ways you can help:\r\n

1. Listen Compassionately and Without Judgment<\/h1>\r\nEven when you disagree or don't understand.\r\n\r\nKnow that trauma\u2014 both the experience itself and how its impact stays with us\u2014 can be challenging to communicate clearly to others.\u202f Be patient.\r\n

2. Let Them Guide the Conversation<\/h1>\r\nTry not to interrupt, even though you may be feeling anxious to take action. Asking yes or no questions might force them into an area they don\u2019t want to discuss. Instead, ask open-ended questions and let them decide how they want to answer.\r\n

3. Don't Make Assumptions<\/h1>\r\nAbout how they feel or what their needs are.\r\n\r\nYou can offer options, but avoid telling them what they \"should\u201d do, even with good intentions. Instead, ask how you can be helpful.\r\n

4. Remember that Healing is a Complex Process<\/h1>\r\nTheir experience may be affecting them in ways that might not make sense to you, but are very clear to them. The effects of trauma are both mental and physical, and they are far more complex to overcome than, \u201cTry not to think about it,\u201d or \u201cJust let it go,\u201d even if it occurred a long time ago.\r\n

5. Check in With Them Later<\/h1>\r\nAnd keep in mind that they may not feel like talking at the time.\r\n\r\nIt\u2019s important to let them know that you care, but not to go so far as to make them feel fussed over, or like they are a problem that needs to be managed.\r\n\r\nShare these tips by clicking the graphic below:<\/a>\r\n\r\n\"5<\/a>\r\n

Please know that you and your loved one are not alone. If you need to talk, we\u2019re here to listen.<\/h2>\r\nSafe Horizon\u2019s Hotlines operate 24 hours a day, including on holidays. Your call is confidential. Whether you\u2019re in crisis or you\u2019re unsure if your experience constitutes abuse, violence, or crime, we\u2019re here to help. Call 1-800-621-HOPE (4673)<\/a> to speak with an advocate today or visit our Hotlines page for more information<\/a>.","post_title":"5 Ways to Support Someone You Love Who Has Experienced a Traumatic Event","post_excerpt":"Has someone shared with you their experience of abuse or violence? Read our 5 tips on how you can support someone who has experienced a traumatic event.","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"5-ways-support-someone-experienced-traumatic-event","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2025-06-10 13:45:20","post_modified_gmt":"2025-06-10 17:45:20","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"http:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/?p=5189","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"custom_scripts":false,"show_author_bio":false},"yoast_head":"\nHow Understanding Trauma Helps Us Understand Survivors<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Trauma can make it difficult for survivors to access the services they need. 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