{"id":6001,"date":"2018-06-19T15:21:12","date_gmt":"2018-06-19T15:21:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/?p=6001"},"modified":"2025-08-13T12:36:17","modified_gmt":"2025-08-13T16:36:17","slug":"domestic-violence-lgbtq","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/safe-blog\/domestic-violence-lgbtq\/","title":{"rendered":"Not Just a Fight: Domestic Violence Affects LGBTQ People"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When people in a same-sex relationship fight, I can\u2019t tell you how many times I\u2019ve heard, \u201c<em>It\u2019s just two guys fighting. Let them figure it out.<\/em>\u201d Or \u201c<em>Her girlfriend hit her. Sometimes girls fight like that.<\/em>\u201d But abuse is different than a fight. Domestic violence is one person trying to exert power and control over another. It\u2019s dangerous, and it often escalates over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\" id=\"h-domestic-violence-in-the-lgbtq-community-exists-at-the-same-rate-as-straight-relationships-and-deserves-our-attention\">Domestic Violence in the LGBTQ Community Exists at the Same Rate as Straight Relationships and Deserves our Attention<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>So often, we hear loved ones of domestic violence victims say things like \u201c<em>I had no clue this was happening. I wish I had known so I could have helped. I wish I had paid closer attention.<\/em>\u201d Domestic violence thrives in silence.&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/nomore.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/VIEW-THE-FULL-DATA-REPORT.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">According to a study by domestic violence advocacy organization NoMore.org<\/a>, 60% of Americans&nbsp;say they know a victim of domestic violence, while two out of three Americans have never talked about the issue with their friends.&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.cdc.gov\/violenceprevention\/pdf\/nisvs_sofindings.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">But the statistics are loud and clear<\/a>: according the Center for Disease Control, one in four women and one in seven men will experience domestic violence during their lifetime. And two in five lesbians and one in four gay men will be a victim in their lifetime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What perhaps is even more tragic than the silence and stigma that surrounds domestic violence in the LGBTQ community is the severe lack of supports for those courageous enough to seek help. The current service models simply do not address the unique needs of LGBT people adequately. Although federal law now requires domestic violence shelter providers to accommodate LGBT survivors, access remains limited for many reasons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One of those reasons, as my colleague Liz Roberts, deputy CEO of Safe Horizon&nbsp;tells me,&nbsp;is that \u201c<em>much of the government funding to address domestic violence is geared toward families. That means we have fewer resources for childless survivors. About 40% of victims who call New York City\u2019s 24-hour domestic violence hotline seeking shelter are singles \u2014 but they\u2019re the most difficult to place, because most of the beds go to survivors with children.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\" id=\"h-but-many-lgbtq-folks-don-t-have-children-so-what-happens\">But Many LGBTQ Folks Don\u2019t Have Children &#8211; so What Happens?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>LGBTQ domestic violence survivors who need immediate shelter may first try and stay with friends. The issue here is that the LGBTQ population is small and our circles tend to be interconnected. And in abusive relationships, abusers will often isolate victims from friends and family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This was true for Terrance*, a gay Safe Horizon client who sought refuge with mutual friends. Although they wanted to help, eventually they asked Terrance to leave because they were also friends with Terrance\u2019s abusive ex and didn\u2019t want to pick sides.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Terrance found himself with no choice but to enter a homeless shelter where he witnessed violence and, as a result, felt unsafe and very depressed. \u201c<em>I was seeking out someone to talk to,<\/em>\u201d he said. \u201c<em>I needed counseling. I was trying to inform [the shelter], \u2018Look, here\u2019s my order of protection. I\u2019m a domestic violence victim. I need something a little more where I can be alone.\u2019 It\u2019s bigger than just me being homeless. I need someone to talk to. I was crying inside \u2026 in a really rocky space financially, no money, no friends, no one to talk to, and afraid. I didn\u2019t know where this guy is going to find me. I don\u2019t wish it upon anyone.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Terrance was eventually placed in a domestic violence shelter at Safe Horizon, where, he says, he got his confidence back and was able to access the supportive services he needed. At Safe Horizon, we partner with the New York City Anti-Violence Project to make our domestic violence shelters accessible to LGBTQ survivors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\" id=\"h-domestic-violence-is-real-and-it-is-most-certainly-an-urgent-lgbtq-issue\">Domestic Violence is Real, and it is Most Certainly an Urgent LGBTQ Issue<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>You may be asking, \u2018What can I do if I find out a friend is an abusive relationship?\u2019 First off, believe them. Don\u2019t minimize their claims. Take what they are saying seriously. Most important, understand that domestic violence is complicated. Don\u2019t force them to call the police or put pressure on them to leave the relationship. That may not be the choice they want or are ready to make. Instead, let them know they have your support and recommend they speak to an expert who can help them better understand the options available to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Also, donate to organizations like Safe Horizon that are on the ground supporting victims of domestic violence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And if you believe you\u2019re in an abusive relationship, it\u2019s OK to reach out for help or do what feels safest for you. You absolutely deserve support regardless of your sexual orientation or gender identity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As a man who identifies as gay, I know how debilitating living in silence can be. No one should have to suffer in silence because of abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\" id=\"h-if-you-or-someone-you-know-is-a-victim-of-domestic-violence-in-need-of-help-call-safe-horizon-s-anonymous-domestic-violence-hotline-at-800-621-4673-hope\">If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence in need of help, call Safe Horizon\u2019s anonymous domestic violence hotline at <a href=\"tel:+18006214673\">(800) 621-4673 (HOPE)<\/a>.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><em>* Client names and identifying information have been changed to protect their privacy. Images used are representations of Safe Horizon\u2019s clients.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why misconceptions of abuse in same-sex relationships lets LBGTQ people suffer in silence.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":{"id":6002,"alt_text":"Not Just a Fight_Domestic Violence Affects LGBTQ 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do we help survivors of domestic violence?","related_initiative_link":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/get-help\/domestic-violence\/","related_initiative_link_text":"Learn about our services","featured_posts":"","title_font_size":"42","sub-headline_placement":false,"custom_scripts":false,"show_author_bio":false,"eyebrow":"","heading":"","text":"","primary_cta":"","authors":false,"hide_post_date":true},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.5 (Yoast SEO v26.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Not Just a Fight: Domestic Violence Affects LGBTQ People<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Domestic Violence in the LGBTQ+ community exists at the same rate as straight relationships and deserves our attention.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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