![\"Jimmy](\"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/Jimmy-Meagher-PutTheNailinIt-Vow-1024x683.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
By Jimmy Meagher<\/em> It\u2019s October, which means it\u2019s Domestic Violence Awareness Month (#DVAM). Although it\u2019s imperative that we speak out against domestic violence and intimate partner violence each and every month, October is a time to really ring the alarm to get everybody\u2019s attention. We wear purple, we march, we outreach, and we dialogue, with the hope of shining a light on some of the most insidious forms of violence and abuse in our society.<\/p>\n October also happens to be LGBT History Month. Why October? The National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights, the first march of its kind in the fight for LGBTQ+ civil rights here in America, took place on October 14, 1979. And the Second National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights took place on October 11, 1987. Afterwards, the LGBTQ+ family began observing National Coming Out Day on October 11th <\/sup>every year since. National Coming Out Day is a celebration of coming out and a platform for raising awareness about the LGBTQ+ civil rights movement. And beginning in 1994, our community began celebrating LGBT History Month to build on the momentum of these events.<\/p>\n The history of LGBTQ+ communities is a history of pain and violence \u2013 state violence, hate violence, gender-based violence, and yes, domestic violence. But it is also a history of pride, beauty, and resilience. A lot has changed over the decades, but the LGBTQ+ family continues to fight for equality, safety, and security for all. Our transgender, gender non-conforming, and non-binary siblings, especially trans folks of color, face violence from outside the community and from within. And it is on all of us to do everything we can to call out and end this violence.<\/p>\n We cannot talk about domestic violence without discussing gender-based violence, hate violence, gun violence, and all other interconnected forms of violence and abuse. All are deeply linked to systemic sexism, racism, heterosexism, cisgenderism, and other systems of violent oppression.<\/p>\n Last month I testified at a City Council hearing about access to emergency domestic violence shelters and about services for transgender, gender non-conforming and non-binary survivors — I said \u201c<\/em>they face all of the same obstacles and challenges that many cisgender survivors do: trauma, confusing and controlling systems, economic insecurity, the herculean task of finding affordable permanent housing, etc. But they also face discrimination, hate, and additional forms of violence.\u201d<\/em> It\u2019s incumbent upon us to transform society into one that allows survivors to heal, thrive, and succeed, especially survivors from the communities we marginalize most.<\/p>\n Safe Horizon strives to be an inclusive, accepting, healing environment for all survivors. When it comes to serving LGBTQ+ survivors, we train and support staff, but we can always do better. We are grateful to work alongside organizations like the NYC Anti-Violence Project (AVP)<\/a>, which works with LGBTQ+ survivors. We have leaned on and learned from AVP\u2019s expertise countless times, whether for training staff, consulting on individual cases, or advocating together around issues facing survivors. Our present can feel so dark and scary at times. But I am never more optimistic about our future than when I am in community with the advocates, activists, and survivors who work tirelessly each day to make our world a better place for everybody.<\/p>\n Domestic violence in all its forms is an endemic and enduring disease in our society and our world. Until we confront that reality, this violence will persist.<\/p>\n This October, I am taking the #PutTheNailinIt vow to end domestic violence. This symbolic gesture will show the world I am committing myself to unlearning the sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic messages that are in the air we breathe.<\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWe cannot talk about domestic violence without discussing gender-based violence\u2026and all other interconnected forms of violence and abuse.\u201d – Jimmy Meagher<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":{"id":7345,"alt_text":"Jimmy Meagher Takes the #PutTheNailinIt Vow to End Domestic Violence","caption":"","description":"","media_type":"image","media_details":{"width":4773,"height":3183,"file":"2019\/10\/Jimmy-Meagher-PutTheNailinIt-Vow.jpg","sizes":{"thumbnail":{"file":"Jimmy-Meagher-PutTheNailinIt-Vow-150x150.jpg","width":150,"height":150,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/Jimmy-Meagher-PutTheNailinIt-Vow-150x150.jpg"},"medium":{"file":"Jimmy-Meagher-PutTheNailinIt-Vow-300x200.jpg","width":300,"height":200,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/Jimmy-Meagher-PutTheNailinIt-Vow-300x200.jpg"},"medium_large":{"file":"Jimmy-Meagher-PutTheNailinIt-Vow-768x512.jpg","width":768,"height":512,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/Jimmy-Meagher-PutTheNailinIt-Vow-768x512.jpg"},"large":{"file":"Jimmy-Meagher-PutTheNailinIt-Vow-1024x683.jpg","width":1024,"height":683,"mime-type":"image\/jpeg","source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/Jimmy-Meagher-PutTheNailinIt-Vow-1024x683.jpg"}},"image_meta":{"aperture":"2.8","credit":"","camera":"Canon EOS 70D","caption":"","created_timestamp":"1537785766","copyright":"","focal_length":"21","iso":"125","shutter_speed":"0.0333333333333","title":"","orientation":"0","keywords":[]}},"post":7344,"source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/Jimmy-Meagher-PutTheNailinIt-Vow.jpg"},"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2015],"tags":[167,1337,419,1339,577],"class_list":["post-7344","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-safe-blog","tag-putthenailinit","tag-jimmy-meagher","tag-lgbt","tag-lgbt-history-month","tag-lgbtq","issue-domestic-violence"],"acf":{"page_header_title":"","page_header_excerpt":"","page_header_image":false,"custom_scripts":false,"show_author_bio":true,"original_url":"","related_initiative_title":"You can make a difference","related_initiative_link":"\/giving","related_initiative_link_text":"Donate today.","featured_posts":[{"ID":6001,"post_author":"13","post_date":"2018-06-19 15:21:12","post_date_gmt":"2018-06-19 15:21:12","post_content":"\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n When people in a same-sex relationship fight, I can\u2019t tell you how many times I\u2019ve heard, \u201cIt\u2019s just two guys fighting. Let them figure it out.<\/em>\u201d Or \u201cHer girlfriend hit her. Sometimes girls fight like that.<\/em>\u201d But abuse is different than a fight. Domestic violence is one person trying to exert power and control over another. It\u2019s dangerous, and it often escalates over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So often, we hear loved ones of domestic violence victims say things like \u201cI had no clue this was happening. I wish I had known so I could have helped. I wish I had paid closer attention.<\/em>\u201d Domestic violence thrives in silence. According to a study by domestic violence advocacy organization NoMore.org<\/a>, 60% of Americans say they know a victim of domestic violence, while two out of three Americans have never talked about the issue with their friends. But the statistics are loud and clear<\/a>: according the Center for Disease Control, one in four women and one in seven men will experience domestic violence during their lifetime. And two in five lesbians and one in four gay men will be a victim in their lifetime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What perhaps is even more tragic than the silence and stigma that surrounds domestic violence in the LGBTQ community is the severe lack of supports for those courageous enough to seek help. The current service models simply do not address the unique needs of LGBT people adequately. Although federal law now requires domestic violence shelter providers to accommodate LGBT survivors, access remains limited for many reasons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One of those reasons, as my colleague Liz Roberts, deputy CEO of Safe Horizon tells me, is that \u201cmuch of the government funding to address domestic violence is geared toward families. That means we have fewer resources for childless survivors. About 40% of victims who call New York City\u2019s 24-hour domestic violence hotline seeking shelter are singles \u2014 but they\u2019re the most difficult to place, because most of the beds go to survivors with children.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n LGBTQ domestic violence survivors who need immediate shelter may first try and stay with friends. The issue here is that the LGBTQ population is small and our circles tend to be interconnected. And in abusive relationships, abusers will often isolate victims from friends and family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This was true for Terrance*, a gay Safe Horizon client who sought refuge with mutual friends. Although they wanted to help, eventually they asked Terrance to leave because they were also friends with Terrance\u2019s abusive ex and didn\u2019t want to pick sides.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Terrance found himself with no choice but to enter a homeless shelter where he witnessed violence and, as a result, felt unsafe and very depressed. \u201cI was seeking out someone to talk to,<\/em>\u201d he said. \u201cI needed counseling. I was trying to inform [the shelter], \u2018Look, here\u2019s my order of protection. I\u2019m a domestic violence victim. I need something a little more where I can be alone.\u2019 It\u2019s bigger than just me being homeless. I need someone to talk to. I was crying inside \u2026 in a really rocky space financially, no money, no friends, no one to talk to, and afraid. I didn\u2019t know where this guy is going to find me. I don\u2019t wish it upon anyone.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Terrance was eventually placed in a domestic violence shelter at Safe Horizon, where, he says, he got his confidence back and was able to access the supportive services he needed. At Safe Horizon, we partner with the New York City Anti-Violence Project to make our domestic violence shelters accessible to LGBTQ survivors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You may be asking, \u2018What can I do if I find out a friend is an abusive relationship?\u2019 First off, believe them. Don\u2019t minimize their claims. Take what they are saying seriously. Most important, understand that domestic violence is complicated. Don\u2019t force them to call the police or put pressure on them to leave the relationship. That may not be the choice they want or are ready to make. Instead, let them know they have your support and recommend they speak to an expert who can help them better understand the options available to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Also, donate to organizations like Safe Horizon that are on the ground supporting victims of domestic violence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And if you believe you\u2019re in an abusive relationship, it\u2019s OK to reach out for help or do what feels safest for you. You absolutely deserve support regardless of your sexual orientation or gender identity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As a man who identifies as gay, I know how debilitating living in silence can be. No one should have to suffer in silence because of abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n * Client names and identifying information have been changed to protect their privacy. Images used are representations of Safe Horizon\u2019s clients.<\/em><\/p>\n","post_title":"Not Just a Fight: Domestic Violence Affects LGBTQ People","post_excerpt":"Why misconceptions of abuse in same-sex relationships lets LBGTQ people suffer in silence.","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"domestic-violence-lgbtq","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2025-08-13 12:36:17","post_modified_gmt":"2025-08-13 16:36:17","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"http:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/?p=6001","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"},{"ID":6305,"post_author":"13","post_date":"2018-09-24 14:01:36","post_date_gmt":"2018-09-24 18:01:36","post_content":"","post_title":"#PutTheNailinIt: Take the Vow to end Domestic Violence","post_excerpt":"","post_status":"publish","comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","post_password":"","post_name":"take-the-putthenailinit-vow-to-end-domestic-violence","to_ping":"","pinged":"","post_modified":"2025-06-10 13:49:45","post_modified_gmt":"2025-06-10 17:49:45","post_content_filtered":"","post_parent":0,"guid":"http:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/?p=6305","menu_order":0,"post_type":"post","post_mime_type":"","comment_count":"0","filter":"raw"}],"create_custom_authors":true,"authors":[{"author_name":"Jimmy Meagher, Director of Advocacy"}],"title_font_size":"42","sub-headline_placement":false},"yoast_head":"\n
\nOctober 17, 2019<\/em><\/p>\n![\"Jimmy](\"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/Jimmy-Meagher-Advocates-for-More-Domestic-Violence-Shelter-Services-for-LGBTQ-Survivors.png\")
<\/p>\nI am encouraging friends, family, and colleagues to do the same. By taking the #PutTheNailinIt vow, you will be joining me in ending domestic violence and all interconnected forms of violence once and for all.<\/h1>\n
It\u2019s #DVAM. Let\u2019s get to work.<\/h1>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Domestic Violence in the LGBTQ Community Exists at the Same Rate as Straight Relationships and Deserves our Attention<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
But Many LGBTQ Folks Don\u2019t Have Children - so What Happens?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Domestic Violence is Real, and it is Most Certainly an Urgent LGBTQ Issue<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence in need of help, call Safe Horizon\u2019s anonymous domestic violence hotline at (800) 621-4673 (HOPE)<\/a>.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n