<\/p>\n
Queens Chronicle<\/em> Excerpt:<\/em><\/p>\n The tragedy of Gabby Petito\u2019s death, and the widespread belief that it was at the hands of her fianc\u00e9, has sparked national conversations on how well-disguised an abusive relationship can be.<\/p>\n The couple seemed to put their personal life on display. As Petito, 22, and Brian Laundrie, 23, traveled across the country, they documented their days through social media and vlogs. But if speculation proves to be true, and Laundrie is responsible for Petito\u2019s death, then the posts were hiding a much darker reality.<\/p>\n \u201cIt is very different behind closed doors,\u201d said Manisha Shah, the senior director of the<\/strong> Crime Victim Assistance Program<\/a> at Safe Horizon, a victim services nonprofit based in New York City.<\/p>\n According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 72 percent of all murder-suicides in the U.S. are committed by an intimate partner. Almost all the victims \u2014 94 percent \u2014 are female. One in three women, and one in four men, have experienced some form of physical violence by a partner, according to NCADV data.<\/p>\n Domestic abuse begins well before it escalates to homicide, Shah pointed out. Red flags can be pinpointed even before the abuse becomes physical, she said.<\/p>\n \u201cBut there are a lot of telltale signs that everyone can identify, and help identify survivors in advance,\u201d said Shah.<\/p>\n Recognizing the signs<\/strong><\/p>\n Many of the warning signals that indicate an abusive relationship can be subtle, Shah said. They can come in a variety of forms, and not all are physical, but most stem from one partner being controlling over another.<\/p>\n \u201cIf a partner doesn\u2019t like it when their significant other spends too much time with you, is constantly texting and calling them; if a friend abruptly cancels plans, but it\u2019s not their nature, it\u2019s a red flag,\u201d said Shah. \u201cThey don\u2019t have power or control in their life to make decisions.\u201d<\/p>\n Shah said that personality changes are a major indicator that something may be off. A once-outgoing friend who has developed new insecurities and declines invitations for outings, or a friend whose personal hygiene has slipped into disorder could be experiencing a form of abuse, she said.<\/p>\n \u201cAnother big red flag is when a friend often tells you they can\u2019t prioritize their needs because they have to cater to their partner. I think it\u2019s a telltale sign that it\u2019s entering abusive territory,\u201d said Shah.<\/p>\n Abusive relationships often manifest in physical assault, she continued. Inexplicable cuts and bruises, as well as the victim wearing baggy clothes to hide them, can be a good indicator.<\/p>\n Francine Kelly, the senior director of patient care services at Long Island Jewish Forest Hills-Northwell Health, said warning signs can vary depending on the relationship between the abuser and victim. Abuse between partners, a parent and child or toward an elder can present itself in different ways, she said. That\u2019s why Kelly and her staff pay close attention to an injured party\u2019s behavior as closely as his or her wounds.<\/p>\n \u201cThey may be fearful. They may not want to volunteer information,\u201d Kelly said. \u201cWe have to be mindful if they come in with somebody who presents with them that they may be involved in the violence … Sometimes you just take a pause and say, \u2018Something\u2019s not right here.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n Providing support<\/strong> \u201cThe person themselves has to be the one ready to reach out for help and be accepting of it,\u201d said Kelly. \u201cPerhaps they\u2019re fearful of the situation they\u2019re involved in. Give them the opportunity to speak privately. Really listen to what they\u2019re saying, validating them.\u201d<\/p>\n It may be hard for victims to open up because denial is a typical coping mechanism, said Yvette Caro, who directs the Queens College Psychological Counseling Center. In many instances of domestic violence, victims blame themselves for prompting their abuser to act out, she said.<\/p>\n \u201cShame is such a big piece of it in so many ways,\u201d said Caro. \u201cOftentimes friends don\u2019t know how to help. They think they\u2019ll make it worse by saying something. You can\u2019t control their lives, but it\u2019s important for them to be able to speak in a judgment-free way to their friends.\u201d<\/p>\n A tactic Caro suggested is speaking to a victim in very specific terms. Letting friends know that they are always welcome to show up at your home, even in the middle of the night, or offering to drive them to a therapist when they\u2019re ready to talk are important steps in letting a victim know that opportunities are available.<\/p>\n Access to resources<\/strong><\/p>\n Putting victims in touch with resources to help them safely exit an abusive relationship is key to ending violence before it escalates. Having an exit plan prepared prior to leaving the relationship, and having professionals on your side are safe ways to leave an abusive partner.<\/p>\n There are shelters throughout the city that house victims who feel unsafe in their homes. There are domestic violence advocates in every NYPD police precinct. There are hotlines for victims, such as Safe Horizon\u2019s at 1 (800) 621-HOPE (4673).<\/p>\n Read the original article here.<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The Gabby Petito case has brought domestic violence and abusive relationships into focus. Safe Horizon’s Manisha Shah explains the signs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":{"id":9685,"alt_text":"Support children and families in domestic violence shelters","caption":"Peggy Duffy Memorial fund","description":"Support children and families in domestic violence shelters","media_type":"image","media_details":{"width":512,"height":512,"file":"2022\/07\/Safe-Horizon-Flower-Logo_TransparentThumbnail.png","filesize":31715,"sizes":{"medium":{"file":"Safe-Horizon-Flower-Logo_TransparentThumbnail-300x300.png","width":300,"height":300,"mime-type":"image\/png","filesize":18595,"source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Safe-Horizon-Flower-Logo_TransparentThumbnail-300x300.png"},"thumbnail":{"file":"Safe-Horizon-Flower-Logo_TransparentThumbnail-150x150.png","width":150,"height":150,"mime-type":"image\/png","filesize":8008,"source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Safe-Horizon-Flower-Logo_TransparentThumbnail-150x150.png"}},"image_meta":{"aperture":"0","credit":"","camera":"","caption":"","created_timestamp":"0","copyright":"","focal_length":"0","iso":"0","shutter_speed":"0","title":"","orientation":"0","keywords":[]}},"post":9684,"source_url":"https:\/\/www.safehorizon.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/Safe-Horizon-Flower-Logo_TransparentThumbnail.png"},"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[72],"tags":[687,1305,92,1707,1709],"class_list":["post-9294","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-safe-horizon-in-the-news","tag-abusive-relationship","tag-abusive-relationships","tag-domestic-violence","tag-gabby-petito","tag-manisha-shah","issue-domestic-violence"],"acf":{"page_header_title":"","title_font_size":"42","page_header_excerpt":"","sub-headline_placement":false,"page_header_image":false,"custom_scripts":false,"show_author_bio":false,"original_url":"","related_initiative_title":"Do you need help?","related_initiative_link":"\/emergency","related_initiative_link_text":"Visit our Emergency Page with Current Services","featured_posts":[{"ID":5283,"post_author":"13","post_date":"2018-01-24 16:40:16","post_date_gmt":"2018-01-24 16:40:16","post_content":"Safe Horizon quoted in \u201cLittle Things\u201d in January 2018<\/em>. Updated 2024.\u00a0<\/em>\r\n
\nBy Katherine Donlevy<\/em>
\nSeptember 23, 2021<\/em><\/p>\n
\nOnce suspicion has been raised, Kelly said, the most important next step is to give the victim a chance to talk in a private, nonjudgmental setting.<\/p>\n1. Their Partner Doesn't Like It When She Spends Time with You\r\n2. They Started Dressing Drastically Different\r\n3. They Started Abruptly Canceling Plans\r\n4. They're Noticeably Unhappy More Often\r\n5. You're Uncomfortable with Their Partner\r\n6. They Has Frequent Cuts or Bruises\r\n7. Their Partner Often Uses Rough Language with Them\r\n8. They Put Their Partner Needs Before Their Own\r\n9. Their Partner Has a History of This Kind of Behavior\r\n10. They're Clearly Afraid to Admit There's a Problem<\/h2>\r\n